Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
