hotel room ftw
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
