I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
