drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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