I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
