so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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