Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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