Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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