I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
