help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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