To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
