oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
