Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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