just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
