If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
