I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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