i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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