Screwed.edu
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
