I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
