If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
