Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
