I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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