The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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