He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
