How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
