i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
