and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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