Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize