Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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