she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
