i was born a porn star she said
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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