i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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