We won't sleep together?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
