I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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