I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
