maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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