smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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