hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
