apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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