I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
