Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
