i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
