"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can text with my tongue
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
