I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
