Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
