Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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