I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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