That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
