But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
from now on my penis is your penis
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
