I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
