I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
