No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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