and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
