you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
