Small penises have feelings too.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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