I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
