So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
