U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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