He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize