wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
