So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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