I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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