GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
