1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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