Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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