I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
