Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
