drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
