Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I queefed so loud it echoed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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