Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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