True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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