i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
