I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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