Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
