If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
