You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
