I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
