I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just tell him i said nine months
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
