Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
