Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
