Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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